Being Good

I'm not sure what it means to be good at something anymore.

Who gets to measure competency, and against what yardstick? -- having these questions answered doesn't guarantee a direction towards being 'good enough' anymore, because I have learnt (especially so this year) that the who and against what are not constants, but variables themselves.

I came across a quote by Jack London a few days ago and kept it in my screenshot album -- as if keeping my own copy of it becomes a promise of my possessing its ideals;

Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes playing a poor hand well.

Like a card game, I often make the effort to read between turns, grasping -- but slipping just the same -- by the evasive hands of what is in store for me. Especially so these days, these 'turns' slam loud at me, and it becomes difficult to remind myself to learn them with tender Perspective. It takes such great effort to place myself outside of the game and accept that these disheartening moments aren't personal -- these reminders act upon me like breaths upon my skin; quite intentional but at the same time so very easy to lose touch of and fall away from.

How can I play a poor hand well? Sometimes I think it is by owning up to drawing a bad card, face the music and learn big time, the hard way. Other times, I think that is a sure way to break me and loosen my grip on the very few good cards I still can believe to be my constants. It is very different when you are playing a game with rotating roles at the table -- settling in flux has never been my forte.

I am trying to find a way to navigate this. But I, at the moment, am not sure at all what it means to be good, or bad, at something.